Not About Something New

Working on this album project has taken me to all kinds of places in my walk with Christ. It has been a crazy time on lots of levels: emotionally, spiritually, and physically. If you ever want to redefine "Who You Are" (no pun intended ;) and be reminded of where your identity truly lies, record an album! ha ha. This thought has been brewing in my mind and heart now for a couple of weeks. This idea that life, music, the songs we write with our story really aren't about something NEW.

Ecclesiastes 3 talks about how God has set eternity in the hearts of men.

This true statement is crazy, but at the same time makes so much sense. Everything that is happening now is all pointing to a future with Him. Everything that is a product of our existence, a fruit of our life now, effects the Kingdom that we will see and be apart of someday. This is something that I can't fully grasp, but it is what I want to align myself with and submit to as TRUTH.

As an artist, there is this struggle I am facing in wanting (feeling like I need) to create something new. Something fresh and never been heard. I have concluded this is a struggle of my flesh. Maybe myself just wanting attention. As I have been coming to terms with this, a few things come to mind:

The only thing "glorious" about me as a being is Christ who lives in me. That He, who has called me out by name, chooses to inhabit and rein in my flesh- making it a temple of the Holy Spirit. This alone is praise worthy. Anything I am wanting to say, a sound I am wanting to make, an image I am wanting to portray on my own, apart from THIS beauty... doesn't compare.

There is legitimacy in wanting to bring a message in a fresh way... especially if the message is thousands and thousands on years old. The beauty of the Gospel and that makes it different from any other story in history, is that is has life on its own- apart from you and me. It doesn't need us to ring through the earth, it chooses us. The mystery of God is infinite. We can babble forever to try and describe who He is, who He has been, who He will be forever and never come close to encompassing those things... let alone in a single song.

When people ask me about my songwriting, I am always stumped over giving them a straight answer. "How did you write this?" "How did the song come about?" "What inspired this message?" "What came first: the melody, the lyrics...?" -are all examples of common questions that I have been asked. Sometimes there is a distinct point of inspiration I can talk about, but most of time I feel like I’m simply sharing a song I have heard before. Maybe in dream. In silence before God. In moments of worship. It is as if these songs I'm writing and getting to share with you all are songs that the angles have been singing for eternity. My time with God has become so precious. My songwriting is contingent on it. With out tuning in, I don't know what to say... I don't know what the melodies sound like... there is a sense of lost purpose.

So, the task is laid out. If the song on my lips and the song of life reflect even just a small part of eternity... it is good. Facing feelings and the pressure of 'I need to create something new' has been an inspiring thing to reflect on. This misconception has taken on a new skin and become an empowering statement and reality for me. 'I am continually discovering truths about a God who has always been and I am responsible to shine and share this light before men.'

"I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually
be in my mouth."
Psalm 34:1

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